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Ontario swingers club hopes to return lifestyle ‘to the old days’
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If his backdrop weren’t a dimly lit stage with two gold stripper poles and wall-sized image of a nearly naked woman, you might think Jack Cohen was lamenting society’s loss of, say, sit-down family dinners, or that kids these days don’t play outside.
The 70-year-old speaks in nostalgic, things-ain’t-like-they-used-to-be tones while explaining his latest specialty night at Jay Jay’s Inn, the dingy south Etobicoke bar and hotel he’s owned for more than 30 years.
“We need to go return to the basics,” he says. “I want it to go back to the old days.”
Swinging, that is. The practice of couples playing tradesies with their sexual partners has lost touch with its roots in conversation and seduction, Cohen says. He has recently started hosting “professional” get-togethers on Saturday nights.
Unlike swinging clubs that allow sex anywhere on-site, Cohen is restricting what those in the industry euphemistically call “play” to his partially renovated second-floor, above the dance floor and bar area. The separation encourages the return of flirtation to the lifestyle, he says.
“Couples meet each other, they sit here, they socialize, they dance, and if they want to play, it’s upstairs,” he says.
Cohen, dressed for the country club in tan khakis, circular tortoise shell glasses and a gingham scarf, proudly shows off the second floor, featuring a communal shower and rooms with windows in the walls to peep into the next. Those wanting to spend the night can rent bedrooms, complete with decor that, incidentally, pays homage to swinging’s ’70s and ’80s origins.
No stranger to oddball ideas — he once planned to convert the bar into a boutique hotel with units catering specifically to little people, or dwarfs — Cohen is tapping into a growing sentiment amongst older swingers, says Edward Fernandes.
A psychology professor at North Carolina’s Barton College and longtime academic of swinging culture, Fernandes said that in the last five years the scene has undergone a shift, brought on by the inclusion of younger members.
Thirty years ago, the average swinger was middle-aged, due in part to the ‘seven year itch’ phenomenon — a reference to the average time some couples start to look outside the marriage for sexual excitement.
Today, the possibility of having non-monogamous relationships is striking some at a much earlier age — all-out sex parties in college aren’t that unusual, Fernandes said. As a result, people in their early 20s are going to sex and swingers’ clubs in droves.
“What I’m finding is that some of the older swingers are starting to complain about the kids who are coming in, changing the music and changing the behaviours, because the under 35 crowd tends to be a lot more aggressive — they tend to go for it, while the older generation is more reserved,” he said.
Across the street from Jay Jays, through unmarked grey doors wedged between a Pizza Pizza and TD Bank, is Menage a Quatre, or M4, another swingers’ club. Here, you will find many things — a sex swing, a flogging post, a human-sized cage. Reservation is likely to be in short supply.
“It’s full-premise play so everywhere from the bathroom on, you’re allowed to play,” said employee Barb Kinney.
On a recent Wednesday morning, Kinney was cleaning up after T-Girl Tuesday, a night catering to transgender and cross-dressing patrons (“I’m a little bit of a germaphobe,” she says cheerily. “You should see the gloves I use.”)
Open seven nights a week, M4 has been branching out beyond swinging. Though Saturday nights are couples and single women only — solo men are often restricted or banned from swingers’ clubs, in part because they tend to be overly eager — the club has added specialty and themed nights, including fetish parties.
The vibe is undoubtedly forward. Members, who range from middle-aged right down to 19, tend to remove their clothes and wander around naked or in a towel, Kinney said. The sprawling back section is filled with oversized mattresses. A rope rule is observed for individual rooms: if it is strung across the doorway, it’s watch-only. If it’s not, anyone is welcome to join in.
M4 and Jay Jays are just two of many of the GTA’s swinging and sex clubs, some of which have set up shop on a main street and hung a big sign on a door to boot. The soon to be relocated Wicked sex club has for years been a visible staple of Queen St. West.
TORSTAR NEWS SERVICE
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